Damn this guy is funny.
"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."
"They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't."
"I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don't fix me your breakfast and pretend you're fixing mine."
UPDATE: The kid landed a book deal... the L.A. Times tells you all about it here.
Along the same lines is thingsmyboyfriendsays.com I've posted this link before, but it's my blog, so I can post it again if I want. It's just as funny. These two must be related.