KC Food... GOP Primary Style

So I've been watching a bunch of the Republican Primary stuff lately. Not necessarily because I'm a Repub, but more so because I like watching grown men and women say stuff about their opponents on TV that would get them bitch slapped at a midtown bar.

It also got me thinking about what KC restaurants and foods best illustrate each of these current and former candidates. I'm not looking to make any political commentary so I don't need 38 Ron Paul comments, I just am calling it as I see it.

Mitt Romney: Mitt (I love saying that name... like he's a pug dog or something) is the Moderate hope for the GOP and the clear front-runner at this stage. Just like Fric and Frac on 39th Street, he doesn't do anything especially good, but people still keep coming back to him. Fric and Frac is not especially good at anything. At times its service, decor and food leave you wanting more. But you just keep coming back.

Herman Cain: It would be too easy to use Godfather's Pizza for this now disposed candidate. While his 9-9-9 plan is probably impractical, it is simple. Just like the $6.99 menu at Charlie Hoopers. Just pick half a sandwich and a cup of soup or a salad and you're done. The Californian, featuring sliced turket with sprouts and cream cheese on multi-grain bread is too easy. Just don't grab the waitresses on the booty in honor of Herman.

Newt Gingrich: This guy is a pitbull. He would berate a third grader if it got him an extra vote. Blanc Burgers and Bottles on the Plaza is a little aggressive like good ole Newt. Gone is the cozy atmosphere of Westport with a polite and helpful staff. This place may not scream at you when you enter the place like Gates, but their actions scream "eat your damn food and then leave". Need to move places because additional people joined your party? Fat Chance. Want to make a new beer selection since they are out of the one you ordered (very common there)? Nope, the server will bring you three similar selections for you to choose from on the spot. Just an aggressive place.

Rick Santorum: This conservative candidate is probably still bitter about that whole allowing women to vote thingy. The conservative spirit lives on at Plaza III. This place hasn't changed since it opened in 1963. For some, that may be a good thing. For others who don't watch Bonanza and Gunsmoke re-runs all day this is a bad thing.

Michelle Bachman: OK, I realize that I've been bagging on restuarants when comparing them to candidates thus far. That's really not the point. While I was never a fan of this now retired candidate I did find it refreshing that a conservative woman not from the state of Alaska, or with her own reality show, gave it a shot. Just like I'm happy to see Aaron Sanchez's new Mestizo open up in Leawood. I'm just not sure about upscale Mexican food. It just doesn't seem right. Kind of like delivery steaks (there was a place in Springfield that would deliver sandwiches and steaks if you wanted?). Anyway, I'm glad to see national chefs try and expand to the KC area.

Jon Huntsman: This candidate is the anti-Tea Party guy. He worked in Obama's administration and will probably drop out of the race before I finish typing this. Just like the 810 zone on the Plaza. I was there when they opened to much fanfare. I have continued to go there, if for no other reason that it's a closer place to take kids for games then hauling off to Dave and Buster's or, heaven forbid, a Chucky Cheese. But the massive place is vacant most days. Nobody wants to pay inflated Plaza prices for low class bar food (as opposed to high class bar food... see Tower Tavern).

Rick Perry: This Texan seems like a decent guy but he totally flops in debates. Kind of like the presentation at The Melting Pot. The food is really good there. But the prices are a little steep (I'm cooking my own food! You probably got some guy with a meat cleaver chopping up bits of meat in the back. How much can that cost?). And the service is always hit or miss.

Ron Paul: This Libertarian leaning elder Doctor is the clear choice of those that favor legalizing pot, being nice to Iran, and going back to the gold standard (does that mean I can carry around gold nuggets like an old prospector?). He may not win anything but he has a loyal group of followers. Just like nearly every place in the Crossroads area including Grinders and Lulu's Thai Noodle Shop. These places will never win any awards or appeal to the mainstream but they have a strong cadre of loyal followers.

South Carolina here we come!